Claiming he was initially excited at the prospect of playing for a legitimate championship contender, new Phoenix Suns center Shaquille O'Neal admitted Wednesday that, upon reading about the phenomenon of massive stellar explosions popularly known as supernovas, he is now terrified of the entire organization.
"I have emerged from my astronomical studies a much more educated man, a learned man, and yes—a frightened man. I am now a sage of the supernova,"
While Shaq said simply being a part of the Suns' runaway-nuclear-fusion-reaction style of play would be frightening enough, he added that learning how an agining supergiant star typically ends its life cycle in a violent explosion was a profound, terrifying experience.
"If I would have known being a Sun meant being a part of a system where gravity could collapse, causing my radiant celestial body to explode in an event 10 times brighter than an ordinary Phoenix Sun—or worse, dematerialize into a neutron star or possibly a black hole—I would have never agreed to the trade."
"I have a family to think of," continued a visually distraught Shaq, during a Press Conference/Powerpoint presentation in Phoenix. He went on to state that, because super novas occur in our galaxy once every 40 to 50 years, the Suns, having joined the league in 1968, are "due for a big one"
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